If you are old enough to love, you are old enough to grieve because the loss of something or someone makes you feel sad.
The feelings and symptoms of grief are different for everybody. There is no right or wrong way to feel; no specific rule says you must finish grieving after a particular time. The important thing is that you take the time you need to go through the various stages of grief and to be able to acknowledge your feelings along the way.
There are generally five stages of grief that we go through when we have a loss. Remember that the stages don’t happen in any particular order, and there is no time limit for how long a person may experience each stage. Sometimes you can feel the stages all within one day:
Denial: Someone in this stage is in shock and disbelief about the loss. They cannot acknowledge the loss and may try to ignore it or pretend nothing has happened.
Bargaining: This is when a person may think about what they might have done differently, even if nothing could have been done differently. Sometimes a person will try to make a deal with someone or something, believing those actions can be undone. Feelings of guilt are common in this stage.
Anger: At this point, a person begins to realize the lack of control and power they had in preventing the loss. A person in this stage may lash out at friends or family members. Sometimes the person will feel angry about being abandoned or left alone. There may be attempts to blame others for not preventing the loss.
Depression: The impact of the loss is felt in this stage, as well as the significance of the loss. People may have crying spells, difficulty eating or sleeping, poor concentration and lack of energy.
Acceptance: In this stage, people understand what the loss means to them and begin to move forward. They may still be sad, but can move forward with their life.
Coping with Loss
The grief process may be different for every person. What may work for someone who experienced a loss may not work for you. How you cope with a loss will depend on what works for you and not what others consider the “right” way to grieve.
Here are some tips to help you through this difficult time:
Identify your support system. While you may sometimes feel alone while grieving, you are not. There are other people in your life that you can use for support. They may be family, friends, support groups, people in your faith community or mental health professionals.
Express your feelings. Do not be afraid to tell people how you feel. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. If it is difficult to talk about your feelings, use other methods like journaling or drawing to express yourself. It is important to acknowledge your feelings to help you better cope with the loss.
Take care of yourself. When we deal with a stressful situation like a loss, it is easy to forget about taking care of ourselves. It is important to eat properly and get enough rest. Sometimes we need a diversion like taking a bike ride or walking in the park to allow us the opportunity to recharge mentally. Staying healthy makes it easier to deal with the loss.
Do what works for you. Everybody has their way of coping. For some people going to a wake or funeral is important after someone dies because it gives them a feeling of closure. For other people, those events may be too difficult. They may create a memorial or do something else to honor the lost person, such as planting flowers or donating to a favorite charity in their name. Whatever helps you deal with the loss in a healthy, productive way is acceptable.
Plan for the future. When we lose someone close to us, there will come times, like anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and other special events, that will bring up strong feelings. This is normal and should be expected. Planning how to handle those times can make those special days less difficult.
Coping with a loss is difficult. Remember that going through the grieving process is not something that must be done alone. Reach out to a parent, someone at school or a doctor if you need help getting through your sadness.
